


Wrong side of Heaven

by SpaceTrashCanFan (Sketchandcomicbookperson)



Series: Giant Crossover clusterfuck. [11]
Category: DCU (Comics), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Angels, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley Was an Archangel Before Falling (Good Omens), Demons Are Assholes, Fallen Angels, Gabriel Being an Asshole (Good Omens), Gen, Going to Hell, Good Demons, Mentioned Adam Young (Good Omens), Road Trips, Road trip through hell, Spirits, Zauriel is an adorable cinnamon roll, kinda canon divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sketchandcomicbookperson/pseuds/SpaceTrashCanFan
Summary: Alternatively:Road trip through Hell.In which Constantine did something, even in his opinion something that was just plain stupid while trying to save a girl from the First of Fallen's grip and needs to call the Spectre, Zauriel and Sentinels of Magic in to save the world of the First of Fallen's wrath.Basically a DnD party on a road trip through hell.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Zauriel, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Jason Blood & Etrigan, John Constantine & Raven & Zatanna Zatara, Lucifer Morningstar & John Constantine (Vertigo Comics), Michael Demiurgos & Lucifer Morningstar, Zauriel & Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Giant Crossover clusterfuck. [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1423135
Kudos: 9





	1. Well. Shit. We're going to hell.

'Well shit' John Constantine said while staring at the demonic circle in his apartment. 'I think I have made an very stupid mistake of an bloody novice'.

An silence fell when the Sentinels of Magic, the Spectre, Zauriel and Etrigan stared at him with the same bland, neutral expression.

Then the serpent of Eden kicked down the door and the silence was broken with the door that fell into the house.

Yes, the literal serpent of Eden just kicked down the door and came running into the apartment with an angel on his heels.

This is going to be interesting.

'We are going to hell' Constantine muttered. 'Literally'.


	2. Road trip to hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insert Highway to Hell by ACDC.

The Spectre...

Spirit of Vengeance and redemption... Well. Mostly vengeance. The perfect combination of an demon and an angel.

Completely insane.

The Spectre's host, an human soul who was holding the leash of the raging spirit of Vengeance and Redemption and actually was doing a kind of great job.

But that didn't make the host plus spirit less terrifying.. And Crowley sensed the strong presence lingering around the man, knowing that The Spectre was capable of smiting angels and the being had done that before Michael Demiurgos had put an end to it.

Zee Zatara, he knew her... He had ran into her, her father and the JSA a few times. Nice people, Spectre still scary and Hawkman still one grumpy ol' bloke.

Crowley once got drunk (sort of accidentally) with Jim Corrigan and John Constantine.... That was an weird night in Ireland before Michael showed up, ready to smite.

He heard these days that Lucifer himself had left hell behind and had an piano bar called Lux.

The Spectre's host turned his head to talk to the JSA'er who had been staring at the wall and the older man jumped before replying in an question.

The host smirked, wryly and huffed an amused laugh before answering the question.

'I am already dead and damned, so I will be fine' he had said with an humorless smile. 'If not.. Go get Michael Demiurgos to punch the Spectre'.

Then the being shifted to his human form and leant against an wall, muttering something like an prayer in New Hebrew before looking up like he had felt Crowley staring.

'Ah, so Lucifer Morningstar and the Serpent of Eden are two different beings' he simply stated. 'Makes things easier to understand... And Lucifer is actually the Third of Fallen, the two of you may need to explain something to Adam Young'.

'And how... do you exactly know that?' Aziraphale asked, hesitantly.

'Those guards of Purgatory couldn't stop talking about it and I overheard Gabriel's rant a few weeks ago when I was upstairs to pick something up' the host replied with an smirk. 'Constantine also dragged most of the magical, caped and celestial community into Lux in LA'.

'I second that' Zee said with an nod.

* * *

So this is the famous magician ms Device was gushing about.... Aziraphale stated and he studied the young lady, who was currently bickering with John Constantine and Madame Xanadu.

He recognized the keeper of the green flame from an unexpected run-in in New York during the second World War, which neither Lucifer or Crowley were responsible for..

They had a few run-ins after the end of the war and the last few times, the keeper wasn't alone.

Sometimes accompanied by teammates, family or other ringbearers.

Then Something had happened and none of them was willing to talk about it. But reality, time and emotion shook and screamed in protest.

Every one of those emerald Knights had the same kind of powers and abilities, only another weakness and another branch of the light of Willpower.

Aziraphale was strongly convinced that the Keeper of the Green Flame, also known as the keeper of the Starheart had adopted these Emerald Knights.

The Cherubim instincts had screamed to run after they entered the room and when he felt the power radiating from the Spectre, who was kind of lazily leaning against a wall while discussing something with the Phantom Stranger and Sentinel.

Jason Blood was watching it all play out with an frown while Raven was meditating on the couch in the living room.

'What actually happened?' Crowley then asked and all of them had looked up before all staring at Constantine.

'Constantine pissed off the first of the Fallen, unsurprisingly' the Spectre's host answered and named mage crossed his arms, pouting.

'Honestly, I have no idea how Corrigan how.....dealt with this' the man continued with an inaudible curse. 'Two months past Neron's rise of hell thing and 6 magical incidents with Constantine summoning the Spectre.... Because Chas' apartment was burning down because of Belials flair for overdramatics'.

* * *

'Well, he is kind of stupid' Crowley added.

'Who?' Zatanna asked.

Crowley considered for a bit, clearly remembering the fact that he was summoned by John Constantine and that was how the Bentley plus Crowley ended up in an apartment, almost running over named garbage mage.

'Both' Crowley answered and the whole group nodded in unison.

Then an couple of wing strokes that disrupted the conversation and Constantine spat out his beer when three beings entered the apartment.

 _'I see John Constantine has made quite a mess of things_ ' Lucifer bloody Morningstar stated, while putting the Lilim he was holding down on the couch besides Raven who didn't even bat an eyelid.

'Understatement of the year, boss' Crowley eeped and the Morningstar looked up.

 _'Calm. Down. I am not going to hurt you_ ' Lucifer replied annoyed and exasperated all at once. _'Aziraphale, please put that sword away. I won't hurt him, I promise'._

'What good is the promise of the Adversary?' Aziraphale retorted, lowering his flaming sword.

' _Better than one of Gabriel's promises'_ Lucifer answered. _'I think I showed up too late, with an martini in my hand at that airbase'._

'He has a point' The Phantom Stranger said, after exchanging looks with the others.

'The devil makes jokes?' the Spectre sputtered and Lucifer flashed an cat-like grin at the spirit.

'Sorry, I can't really believe it' he then added with a soft huffing laugh.

' _You can't be the devil if you aren't a bit cheeky'_ Lucifer replied, amused. ' _So, when are we leaving?'._


	3. Archangel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel being a dick, several people yadda-yadda-ing at Gabe and Lucifer being Lucifer™

This was where Gabriel, archangel and designated asshole came crashing through the ceiling in violet fury and an sword in his hand.

'Rude' Raven commented, not moving from her place on the couch.

'Use an door, Lucifer may be the devil.. But he used the bloody door' Crowley added.

' _At least some of the family have good manners'_ Lucifer said with a grin. ' _Unlike some supers and Gabriel'._

'We stopped doing that' Raven grumbled and she glared at Lucifer. 'Unlike an certain being whose name begins with bat and ends with man'.

'I should have know I could find you two with the dirt' Gabriel spoke to Aziraphale and Zauriel who had drawn their swords, ready to smite. 'With two fallen siblings of mine'.

'Sauntered vaguely downwards' Crowley corrected.

' _Contrary to popular belief, they think I am the first who fell... I am actually the third angel who fell'_ Lucifer pointed out, lighting a cigarette with his own fire.

'The first of Fallen's a dick' Mazikeen growled.

'I thought the Presence loved humanity' the Spectre shrugged, shifting back into spirit form. 'Or did I misunderstand something?'.

'Mother does not love sinners' Gabriel hissed.

' _Free will'_ Lucifer sing-songed with a Cheshire cat-like grin.

'Aww... Still mad about me showing up at that airbase in shorts and flip flops and an smoothie, hours after the beginning of the rest of our lives?' the Spectre taunted, shooting an wicked grin at Gabriel. 'You should have known better than forcing an being with an human host in charge'.

'I whether do not know if I need to stop this or not' the JSA'er muttered, barely hiding a smile.

'Enjoy the show while it still can' Constantine said and Jason Blood rolled with his eyes while muttering something in his mother language.

'This is fine' Mr Occult decided, while pouring tea into a few mugs and watching the whole thing happening.

* * *

'Gabriel, we are going to get this done and you won't stand in our way' Zauriel then said, his sword flaming when he spoke those words to Gabriel who turned bright red from anger.

'It feels like there are three archangels or archdemons in the room' Constantine stated.

'I said siblings, not sibling' Gabriel hissed.

 _'Ah yes, the Starmaker_ ' Lucifer replied, very fake cheerful. _'I think you forgot about the one who was pushed to the wrong kind of angels and the Presence who punished an kind soul with the worst punishment in history of creation'._

The Devils voice had grown passionate and angry while Gabriel set a few steps back when the fallen angel advanced on him. 

'To forget' the Serpent said, his voice thunderous in the silence of the apartment and the façade of an normal demon slipped away, making place for one of an archangel/archdemon. 'The Presence made me forget'.

'Alpha Centauri, the stars, Heaven, the war, the Fall, every damn thing' he continued, cornering Gabriel. 'I think you bloody well know who I am, do you? Because I do'.

' _Raphael_ ' Gabriel spat in Enochian, the language of the angels.

'Exactly' the Serpent said with an grimace. 'I said I stayed neutral and healed every one I came across, but the Presence still did this to me'.

* * *

Gabriel saw that he was outnumbered and took off. Again through the ceiling. Leaving a second angel-shaped hole in the ceiling and roof.

 _'Now. What's next?_ ' Lucifer asked with an amused smirk.

The punch came unexpected and Mazikeen launched herself from the couch with an drawn sword while the devil hit the floor.

'You are an bloody idiot, Lucifer' Crowley hissed. 'How are we even related?'.

' _Still my little brother'_ Lucifer smiled. ' _You haven't changed a bit'._

'Maybe I have, dear brother' Crowley replied.

'You knew who I was, didn't you?' he then asked with an grimace. 'That's why you told everyone that I was an lower ranking fallen angel with no memory to draw no attention?'.

' _Yes_ '.

'Why?'.

' _If anyone did know about that the archangel Raphael had fallen and had amnesia, then it would have been an disaster'_ Lucifer answered calmly, a hint of overprotectiveness in his voice. ' _You had no memories of heaven or how to protect yourself'._

'That almost sounds like you care, Luci'.

' _Maybe I do'._

'So, what's the plan?' Zauriel interrupted with a smile. 'I hope we do have an plan, the previous time doing things with no plan went a bit awry'.

'I recall' the Spectre sighed. 'A bit of a clusterfuck... Sorry about that, by the way'.

Then they all turned to Constantine and smiled at the mage.

'So John, do we have a plan?' Madame Xanadu asked sweetly. 'I think that's a good thing to have one, even with two fallen Archangels, two angels, the Spectre, the Sentinels of Magic, A demon and you'.

'So, what's our plan?'.


	4. Dantes Inferno.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which sarcasm is the best coping mechanism.

'Soooo, where are we going?' the spirit had asked and conjured up an torch, staring at the others. 'We are in the sewers of London, now what?'.

'Shush, let Constantine do his thing' Zee hissed. 'Why are you this distrusting?'

'Gee... I don't know.... Maybe because he got me stuck in an hell dimension when I was still alive' the Spectre hissed and crossed his arms, glaring at Zatanna.

'Doesn't sound so bad' Zee replied, her voice dripping from sarcasm.

'I was trapped with Etrigan, his rhymes get annoying after five minutes of listening'.

 _'Peace in the sewers, gentlemen and ladies_ ' Lucifer sing-songed, amused by the arguing.

'Bloody foreigners' Crowley muttered.

'Well, at least he didn't fall into any kind of hole on a mountain or something and almost got murdered by an mad scientist' the Spectre shrugged. 'That was an headache'.

'Sorry' Constantine replied, not meaning it. At all.

'I have an very strong urge to kick you, Constantine' the Spectre hissed.

'First, you wanted to kiss me and now fucking kick me??? Make up your mind!' Constantine retorted and Zauriel snorted, holding back laughter.

'I am over that first thing'.

'Aren't we all?' Zee said with a smirk.

'I work with children' Sentinel muttered.

'You put the bar way too high' Raven pointed out.

'This is going well' Jason Blood grumbled.

'Isn't it always?' the Spectre replied, clearly being sarcastic. 'I don't think I am *phased* by this'.

'......Oh well, here we go again' The Stranger said, too cheerful and cheeky when Sentinel pinched his nosebridge.

'Kiddo, we have to talk about your coping mechanism' he grunted and looked up to the spirit, who was clearly pleased with himself.

'What? It's not like alcohol or anything like that has an effect on me, Alan' he had said with an shrug while turning around and flashing an grin at the other man.

'Well.... Us angels and demons slow our metabolism down' Aziraphale chimed in.

'Am I a angel or demon, Aziraphale?'.

'No.... I see your point'.

'Ah, I found it' Constantine said and a silence fell aside when an portal opened up and lit up the sewer.

* * *

Beelzebub tilted their head in silent curiosity and barely hidden surprise.

 _'Hello Beelzebub, long time no see_ ' Lucifer greeted, smirking at the demon prince.

'You are no longer our king, Lucifer' Beelzebub hissed. 'You won't commanding me or anyone else here'.

 _'I didn't expect you to_ ' Lucifer answered, his voice low and dangerous. ' _I left this place for a reason'._

'And yet, here you are with some humans and heaven spawn' Beelzebub spat. 'And a traitor'.

'.......Your observation skills are getting worse with the years, Beelze' Constantine remarked, lighting a cigarette. 'It's brilliant'.

'What do I see there??? An sinner' Beelzebub purred and they moved closer before anyone could stop them. 'The scent of Purgatory is strong on this one, even though it belongs in the ninth circle of hell'.

 _'I am aware of that'_ Lucifer replied, sternly.

'Sometimes you need a sinner to raise hell' Blue devil muttered. 'Even though I am not sure if this is going to work'.

'Interesting' Faust mumbled, watching shit going down when the literal spirit of vengeance and redemption punched Beelzebub in their face. 

'I wanted to punch Beelzebub' Crowley whined, crossing his arms while pouting.

'....Well you still can punch them' Mazikeen pointed out and raised an eyebrow at the fallen angel. 'But I think you're too soft to be an demon or are you still afraid of them?'.

'No, I am over it. I am gonna punch them' Crowley decided and before Beelzebub could do something, they got another fist to their face.

 _'We really are making friends here_ ' Lucifer said sarcastically and flashed the demons behind Beelzebub an unsettling smile.

'I feel like the best you can do is chaotic neutral, brother' Crowley pointed out. 'You're only here, because you are getting something out of it'.

 _'True'_ Lucifer agreed, shrugging carelessly while they walked past the group of demons gaping at them.

'I feel like getting drunk after all this is done' Constantine muttered.

 _'Sounds great, free round of drinks at my place... If we get out of here alive_ ' Lucifer said and smirked at the street mage, before gesturing at the group to keep up.

'I forgot you own a bar' Spectre said with a sigh. 'Any chance spirits could get drunk in there?'.

'.....Why' Blue Devil simply said.

'Mind your business, If I want to drink something... I drink something'.

 _'I am not judging you.. But are you okay?'_ Lucifer asked.

'Long story short, not really'.

 _'Moving on, I see some demons up ahead'_ the devil then said, wincing like he remembered his fall and the battle with his brother.

'We better be ready for whatever is going to happen next' Maze growled while drawing her sword and raising it. 

'Yes. Let's do see what these fellows want' Zauriel said and raised his flaming sword with an smirk. 'Ready?'.


	5. Dumb ways to die.

'If this is how we die, it is the dumbest way ever!' Maze snarled, beheading another demon.

'Well. Excuse me... I didn't know I was that famous in hell!' Constantine retorted and he dodged another demon.

'You either tried to fuck or strike a deal with a demon' Spec snapped. 'Of course an majority of these people knows who you are'.

'There are children here'.

'Al. Raven already knows the meaning of the word "fuck". And if we don't get out of here quickly, we are fucked'.

'I do know the meaning of "Fuck", yeah' Raven agreed, flinging demons across the place.

'Maybe you should try harder!! You are the spirit of vengeance and redemption. Judgment, yadda-yadda-yadda..' Crowley chimed in and he dodged another demon, while Lucifer incinerated hordes of demons and souls with his fire.

'I can't compete with an fallen arch angel let alone Lucifer freaking Morningstar, y'know?' the dead human walking smirked while burning demons to death or whatever.

'You have got a point, but you spirits of the Lord are perfectly capable of smiting principalities and other kinds of angels' Zauriel shrugged, while slicing through the hordes of demons.

'Okay. You better watch yourself, I am going to do something stupid and I am really not sure if it's going to work'.

The reason why people confuse the Spectre with the Grim Reaper is because both of them are scary good with fighting with an scythe, reaping soul and sinner like they were plants in a field.

The beings grin was almost demonic when he moved with the grace of an angel through the demons, chopping off limbs and heads with the scythe.

'Holy crap' Blue Devil muttered while lunging at an greater demon and impaling another demon with his weapon.

'You're welcome' the spirit had said, letting the scythe disappear in thin air.

' _Is the atmosphere of hell taking its toll?'_ Lucifer asked, smirking grimly. ' _It appears to be taking its toll on your spirit, human'._

The spirit didn't answer the question and they continued their way to the First of Fallen's overdramatic bullshit castle, which was very dramatic with all the lightning, the demons, the magic and the eternal seeming darkness.

'Maybe we should get Michael to smite this arse' Blue Devil muttered. 'He did smite the Spectre, you know?'.

Lucifer didn't reply, he simply scowled and walked faster.

'Luci... Dear brother of mine?' Crowley sing-songed and the devil sighed loudly and ver annoyed.

_'.... No, we are not calling Michael for an simple thing we can solve with a bunch of humans, demons, magicians, a streetmage, a spirit and a few angels_ ' he then answered while his wings poofed up like a pine cone, displaying his annoyance at the questions.

'You know, guys... An other dumb way to die is being mauled to death by the literal devil' Zee shrugged, crossing her arms and smirking at the others.

'True' Maze agreed while sheathing her knifes again. 'Or we defeat the First of Fallen with the power of friendship'.

'..... Very unlikely' Aziraphale said.

'Uh. We could try' Sentinel, completely clueless at the moment said with an shrug and an tired sigh.

'Do or do not, there is no try' Raven quoted in her best Yoda impression.

'This is just as random as DnD' Klarion muttered. 'Why did you people agree to doing this in the first place?'.

A Collective shrug as response, followed by an: "Klarion, how the fuck are you here?".

'I fell through a portal, found this random ass Dnd Party and decided to join' Klarion simply replied.

'We are going to die here' Maze groaned.

'Keep your spirits up, luv' Constantine replied with an smirk and he got punched in his face by Maze.

'Jesus Fucking Christ...' Sentinel muttered, pinching his nosebridge. 'I could be home with the kids and my team mates... But no. I agreed to go on an adventure into Dantes Inferno'.

'You get used to it' Madame Xanadu said and she flashed a smug smile at the super.

'You have been here before and you are still not used to it?' Spectre asked, whirling around and staring at the keeper of the Starheart who sent the other an withering glare.

'How the heck do you even know? You died and weren't even there'.

'Jim told me and that stuff with Neron was felt in Purgatory, so yeah. I know, lots of people who ended up here'.

'Dammit, can we ever keep secrets from the spirit of vengeance and redemption?'.

'I don't care, but I can tell when you're lying' was the reply. 'Probably a Spectre ability thing, but I am not entirely sure'.

'There's still a place on the JSA, I think Doctor Fate would be fine with having another magic user on the team'.

'I know... But no. I am still figuring stuff out'.

'That's fine, I trust that you make the right choices'.

'Thanks'.

* * *

' _There's the castle, but we can't just burst in through the door. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of demons there'_ Lucifer informed them after a day of carefully avoiding civilization filled with demons and souls.

'Maybe we should call Michael' Zauriel suggested. 'The hells atmosphere is quite a influence on us outsiders'.

_'Yes. It is'_ the devil replied. _'But no. We are not going to call Michael, because I don't think it will end well'._

'Nothing will end well with a rag-tag group of people and an bunch of fallen angels' The Stranger chimed in. 'I think it doesn't matter anymore'.

'Yes. It does. But you supernatural wankers obviously don't get it' Constantine snapped. 'In that castle down there, there's a little girl who was grabbed by the First of Fallen because of an stupid mistake and I was trying to get her back because I was payed to do that'.

'And why didn't you tell us that part of the story?' Zee asked, calmly. 'No matter. We are going down there and will solve this problem as best we can'.

'The shit has escalated' Klarion simply stated.

'Yup, still not calling our dear brother?' Crowley asked cheerfully, staring at Lucifer who was watching the castle with an unreadable expression.

'We better make a plan before we burst in there' Maze said. 'I don't wanna die in a dumber way than a lots of hours ago'.

'Same' Raven agreed and she studied the castle in the distance.

'We can do this, as long we work together' Stranger sing-songed.

'Sure. Whatever'.


End file.
